PLEASE NOTE: To Non-Scientologists: There is a glossary in my blog for basics words.
MY STORY IN SHORT….
I am a Scientologist who has dedicated 15+ years to the fundamental activities of Scientology as laid out by LRH: helping others, training and auditing. Scientology, uncorrupted, aligned with my thirst for knowledge while promoting integrity and truthfulness. I had the honor to study and use LRH tech and see it work, observing people changing in front of me and winning in life.
Despite the fact that I am one of the few Scientologists that have been trained at Flag to Class V, a graduate of the Saint Hill Special Briefing Course (Class VI) in addition to being a highly specialized auditor and an OT VII, and that I have audited three people to the State of Clear, I was subjected to regular attacks and gross mishandling. I have tried handling it through the Church’s regulations for the past decade and a half, but with no avail.
For the longest time, I thought this declaration would mean giving up on everything that I had worked for, and my group, and that was not easy for me. However, I have come to discover that I have given up nothing, but rather I have reunited with my true group—those with integrity and loyalty to LRH—and I can continue to pursue the activities of Scientology that bring me joy.
Here is a timeline of the highlights that led to my declaration of independence:
1995: I went to do the CCRD at Flag, and it dragged on for a month. For some reason, I ended up being put on an action, without any R factor, that I didn’t need while on the CCRD and it nearly drove me crazy. (In 2007, while on the BC, I found out that the action I had been put on was the End of Endless Int Rundown.) The challenging attitude of my auditor about my state of Clear created a constant PTP. I felt challenged by both the C/S and the auditor throughout this cycle, to a point that I decided to never return to Flag. The Mecca of Perfection felt to me to be more like the Mecca of Arbitraries. I finally attested but I decided I would do my OT levels at Copenhagen, the ASHO EU.
1996: I sold my successful magazine business as my priority was to become a trained Scientologist, and do my OT levels so as to become more able to help others.
1996: While on the OT levels, I married a successful Russian Scientologist, who was constantly regged for money. Once, an IAS reg Joakim asked us to lend him $5000 so he could save face, as he had reported a Gross Income stat that he had not actually made. I refused.
November 1998: Our family (my husband, our 11-month son and I) moved back to Clearwater, FL, so that I could do my OT VI and VII. I worked it out to be on full time training while auditing on VII and taking care of my family. Upon arrival I was met with an arbitrary rule that people could not seek accommodations outside the org. Interpretations of policies and out-of-context citations from LRH materials were shown as a method to convince and coax the public to stay on the base. I refused to comply, as it was not practical, and I was able to rent an apartment. However, several friends were hit with heavy ethics and made wrong for providing or seeking outside accommodations; the general attitude was not that of service to the public as it should have been, but rather a demand that the public service them, regardless of the end-result to the public (such as having a problem of accommodations that blocked their auditing/training, etc.).
March 1999: My husband and I bought a 1 bedroom apartment in front of the Sandcastle Hotel, as an investment, with the idea that we would keep it for a few years, sell it and buy our Bridges with the profit.
Spring 1999: I went on OT VII, and trained on the Ethics Specialist and then Pro Metering, while auditing on Solo. When the new cans came out, I was taken off course during course time to be coaxed to buy the new cans. This is actually a Suppressive Act, as per HCO PL 23 December 1965RB (Revised 8 January 1991) SUPPRESSIVE ACTS / SUPPRESSION OF SCIENTOLOGY AND SCIENTOLOGISTS: “Permitting in a course room any of the six out-ethics activities listed below is a Committee of Evidence offense, and Supervisors, Directors of Training, Technical Secretaries, Qualifications Secretaries or Ethics Officers so found guilty are subject to declare as a Suppressive Person.
“4. Permitting persons to come into the course room and bother students for any reason.”
I was reported to ethics because I refused to buy the new cans (despite my being upstat). My Course sup sent me to help a student and then threw away my cans in the trash, even though the old cans were made per LRH’s recommendations. I wrote a report on her and it was rejected because the supervisor “was upstat.” In fact, by her throwing away my personal property, this was theft, a crime by HCO PL 7 March 1965RA III OFFENSES AND PENALTIES: “Crimes… Theft”.
While with the LRH host in her office, I personally saw an order from the Senior C/S Int demanding compliance that every single public had to buy the new cans.
Early 2001: My husband and I had need for marriage counseling and I was told that a new Flag policy made the Marriage Assist HGC auditing and was not in Div 6 anymore. The price went from $800 to $14,800 for both of us to get one intensive. I was disgusted. Fortunately we ran into a staff member that invoiced us at the Div 6 price, and we got the counseling.
Spring 2001: A Flag Executive Directive was issued, changing the Solo NOTs C/Sing payments. Originally, one paid for the Solo C/S time one used, in packages of hours. This ED stated that one was now to be charged for the 6 months Solo C/S time in advance, automatically every 6 months, regardless of how much time one actually used. At the time, the 6 month Check (done FPRD style) typically lasted a month in and of itself, whereby you did not Solo audit in that time, yet one paid for the Solo C/S anyway, along with the C/Sing paid for with intensives.
I queried the order and met with the FBO FSO. His reasoning for writing the order was that it made the accounting simple to do automatic charges. I disagreed with this, it was out-exchange, but if I continued to argue it would cost me more in Sec Checking and I couldn’t afford it.
Summer 2001: An arbitrary was introduced at Flag, blocking me from continuing my training: whereas I had managed to juggle my schedule to study my Academy Level II, do my 5-6 Solo sessions on OT VII, and take care of my son, I was told out of the blue that I could not leave course at 5PM anymore. I got very sick. I worked it out to continue with my schedule and I went on to finish my Class IV, HRD, SCN DRD course and the marriage counseling auditor course, all within checksheet time, even with English as my second language.
August 2001: Divorced; parted on amicable terms.
August/September 2001: I took a short break to work, so I could keep myself on OT VII. I created and published a magazine promoting Scientology 0, dissemination. I had a great product resulting in several commendations from The Way to Happiness, CC Int , CCHR, etc. When my magazine came out, I was pressured to join WISE and purchase membership. Upon my refusal to do so, someone in WISE wrote a KR on me, saying that I was using the WISE Directory and distributing the magazine inappropriately (in a Vitamin shop). This brought me to Ethics, regardless of my upstats.
April 2002: Despite my numerous commendations, excellent study record, and dedication to my Solo auditing (resulting in me ready for my EP check for OT VII after 3+/- years on the level), I was barred from completing the EP check by false reports from family members who, while they were supporters of the IAS and on VII, had had almost no training. The Third Party Investigation was handled in a squirrel fashion by the SC (Sand Castle) MAA (Paula F.) the wrong terminal was found, and I was coaxed into breaking up with my boyfriend, who was totally innocent and whom I loved very much at the time. I refused and requested a correction. The second investigation came up with the right item yet it was refused, and the Flag Chaplain (Paul G.) in conjunction with the SC MAA (Slavka B.) met with me to convince me that despite that somebody else came up as the Third Party, I was the one causing the conflict and out-ethics.
This was squirrel and did not make any sense, with what I knew from ethics tech. I was the upstat, I should be protected. (I wrote reports and the Third Party Investigation was “reworked” by Paula F.; she called a secret meeting with me and the family members who had falsely accused me. They apologized insincerely for the third party against me, but the SC MAA made me sign a promissory note that no one would know (and therefore the third party against me continued and the correct terminal was never announced). This violated the Third Party tech.
Since the real source of the Third Party, against me, was never really handled, a couple of my family members suddenly disconnected from me. I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend, and I was still barred from my EP check. I asked a SC MAA for help, but was told that I was an ethics particle and it was my fault for creating ARC breaks. I was then C/Sed for 6 intensives to “handle” me. I requested to see my ethics folder, as there was nothing to my knowledge that warranted this kind of action against me. (It took me nearly a year to finally see my folder.)
September 2002: I ceased Solo auditing as I was done, and still barred from attesting. I went on my Class IV Internship, which placed me at the Fort Harrison, with new MAAs, supervisors and other staff who did not know anything about me and therefore treated me normally. I audited mostly staff. I loved the experience, and had an excellent production record as an auditor.
However, I saw hypocrisy in the real stats of public receiving auditing in the HGC and in the stats shown at events; contrary to common knowledge that we were in affluence, the HGC was quite empty and interns were forced to recruit their own PCs, spending many hours in the Call-In unit instead of auditing. PCs paying for pro auditors were assigned new, inexperienced auditors on their Internship, which I considered out-exchange. My ex-husband had 6 auditors in a few intensives, because they were all passing their video for the Internship and needed PCs.
This is a flagrant violation of HCO PL 14 Oct 1968RA AUDITOR’S CODE, #7 “I promise not to permit a frequent change of auditors”.
IAS Event 2002: During the event it showed one of my articles (from my magazine without showing the actual magazine), as if the IAS had sponsored it, which was false, and gave me no credit whatsoever. In reality I was fighting through a lot of counter-intention/bureaucracy of the Church just to publish the magazine, and received help from no one within the IAS / Flag staff.
January 2003: I requested a Board of Investigation in regards to the false reports written on me (from April 2002) that were blocking me from attesting to OT VII as the Sandcastle MAAs held me in contempt (I have in writing their attitudes towards me) despite my continued upstats.
June 2003: I finished my Class IV Internship and went onto the NED course. After that I decided to do the PTS/SP Specialist auditor’s course and then I routed on the Class V Internship. Some may wonder why I continued to study in the face of the injustice, but it was the most important thing to me as it gave me understanding, strength, and the tools to help people. If I was allowed to train unhindered, I stayed; once that was blocked, I just moved to wherever I could train.
Late 2003: I finally received my ethics folder and I understood why it had been withheld from me for nearly a year. The Sandcastle MAA (Paula F.) wrote a note to my Solo C/S full of lies and opinions of how she thought that I was out ethics. I asked the SC MAA Slavka B. to give me a copy of the note and she told me that it was not a KR so I was not allowed to have a copy. So I wrote it all out by hand, and have a copy of it to this day.
There is no Ethics tech that indicates one can have random, hidden comm. that they are not allowed to have a copy of. In fact, this violated HCOPL 24 February 1969 JUSTICE: “This then is the primary breakdown of any justice system—that it acts on false reports, disciplines before substantiation and fails to confront an accused with the report and his accuser before any discipline is assigned, or which does not weigh the value of a person in general against the alleged crime even when proven.”
As a Class V and a Gold-Sealed Ethics specialist auditor (as well as SCN DRD, HRD, Marriage counseling, PTS/SP Specialist auditor, etc.) I was to be considered among the most valuable beings on the planet, and yet this was not taken into consideration whatsoever with this cycle.
January 2004: I decided to continue my Class V Internship in Copenhagen, as my ex-husband was there and my son (now 6) could spend time with him. When I arrived, I discovered my ex-husband (who had attested to Clear in ’98 and was supposed to be on his OT preps) was now on NED, and he had converted all his training to intensives, but still needed auditing and his visa had expired so he had to return to Flag. We all returned to Flag and I CSW’ed to audit him on my Class V internship at Flag. With me, he attested to Clear in less than an intensive.
At the time at Flag there were no NED PCs. Out-of-org trainees and staff were forbidden to audit other staff if they did not procure their own HGC pc first, resulting in tens of auditors working full-time on Call-In instead of auditing for their Internship. I personally knew a Flag-Interned auditor (V.) who did not go into session for over two weeks, because she couldn’t recruit anyone to be an HGC PC first. I had to CSW to return to the SHSBC while looking for PCs, since I couldn’t audit.
This violated HCOPL 8 June 1970RC II (Revised 11 January 1985) STUDENT AUDITING: “There is no shortage of pcs. Students and interns can audit other students, staff, free pcs and public they procure off the street. Interns also audit in the HGC.
“If you cannot get auditing done by students and interns to meet their requirements, then investigate to locate justifications for not doing so. (Ref: HCOB 21 Jan. 60 JUSTIFICATION). If any false orders or advices exist as to why one cannot audit people, recognize that these ignore the fact that NO AUDITING AT ALL IS THE MOST MAJOR OVERT. Handle any false orders or advices with HCOB 7 Aug. 79 FALSE DATA STRIPPING, and Word Clearing, and if that fails use ethics.”
Despite this being out, the events continued to show Highest Evers and boast affluence at Flag. From this blatant false PR, I decided to not attend events anymore.
Winter 2004: I refused to go to the IAS event. I had helped my ex-husband to achieve Clear by auditing him, I was an Interned auditor while on Level F of my SHSBC, with upstats across the board, yet I was still considered an ethics particle and an atmosphere was being created that any day now, I might be declared. I was accused of being disaffected because I would not see the IAS event; my supervisor was ordered by the Deputy Snr. C/S for Training to write a KR on me because I wouldn’t see the event (and he did); the MAA Flag told me openly that they were trying to put my head on a pike because somebody accused me (behind my back) as being responsible for a staff member blowing, whom in fact I had never audited. With my continued refusal to go see the IAS event I was put on a routing form and sent to Ethics. It truly felt like the staff were just looking for things to find wrong with me.
This was confirmed when my MAA, a fellow student on the Academy that had gotten along with me very well, turned suddenly antagonistic and shouted that he did not need to see my ethics folder; there must have been something wrong with me if 10 MAAs (including him) and my C/S did not like me. I was shocked at his change towards me. This statement violated a number of policies, among them HCO PL 7 December 1969 II THE ETHICS OFFICER, HIS CHARACTER “An E/O should never discuss staff members who are merely under investigation or act in a way to third party people. An E/O gets the factsand then acts.” –LRH
(See the link to the report:http://silviakusada.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/kr-flag-w1.jpg)
I was barred from continuing course and was forced into another meeting with 2 SC MAAs (whom had both been on very good terms with me a few weeks earlier) where they shouted at me about how out-ethics I was, that Miscavige was working so hard for us and I didn’t care; one of them put me on the e-meter and made up a process on the spot which he tried to run on me, something along the lines of “When is the first time you didn’t want to go to an event?” Afterwards, I got very sick. After nearly a month of being off-base on sick leave, I returned to finish my Level F (I was three days from finishing) and I left Flag.
Early May 2005: Unbeknownst to me, the Church (OSA) contacted my ex husband about selling our apartment. He was told he could not tell anyone about it. At force, he even kept it from me, even though I co-owned the apartment.
End of May 2005: My ex-husband let me know about the ongoing negotiations with the church regarding our apartment. We started negotiating together, via several emails and meetings with OSA terminals. Negotiations continued through to August/September 2005.
June 2005: I flew to Milano org with my son and finished my Class V Internship in 10 days, while my PC, a French public previously on Flag lines, attested to his state of Clear with me. I also completed my Class IV C/S course in Milan.
August/September 2005: We were getting unfair offers on our apartment; after 3-4 months of negotiations it was clear that their attitude was that we should just donate the apartment altogether. When we refused and tried to negotiate for a fairer price during August/September, they started to use threats and harassment: a few CMO staff used those tactics; my ex husband was taken off his OT III at ASHO EU based on one report (an alarming telex sent from the Chief Flag MAA that my ex was “stopping expansion”) but no details were given and no proper recourse allowed; I was threatened with a Suppressive Person declare by the Dir I&R Sandcastle, Alfonso Becerra, who accused me of trying to make money from the Church and I was stopping expansion, and “don’t you know these are Suppressive Acts?” When I protested these tactics, one of the CMO staff told me that there was nothing we could do about it because the plan was “to take over downtown.”
The church told us in secret that they would start renovations in November 2005; they tried to force us to sell so we wouldn’t “hold up renovations”. (4+ years later, at present, they have still not fully renovated this area.)
October 2005: We were so frustrated with the relentless attacks (including family and friends coming down on us) that we sold our place at their grossly unfair price (when I didn’t want to sell at all). I felt degraded after that; it was sheer suppression and a violation of our rights.
In this same period of time, a Board of Investigation on the false reports (that had still barred me from attesting to OT VII) was finally granted (after a couple years from the original request for a B of I.) However the investigation tech was squirrelly applied and the findings resulting in another false report. A Board of Review was then called to fix the Board of Investigation, upon my request.
11 November 2005: Faced with constant counter-effort from church terminals to continue up The Bridge, and bewildered/exhausted, I decided to move to LA to finish my SHSBC at ASHO.
November 30 2005: The Board of Review was completed (while I was in LA). This cleared up some false accusations and suggested the Third Party Investigation to be completed, but it wasn’t. Up to date no Third Party Investigation has been done to the end result.
May 11 2007: I finished my full SHSBC (with support from an ex-2D) and went to Flag to audit a PC from my ex-2D’s company, as exchange for the support. I also planned to put together some money in order to get a review in the HGC.
May 27, 2007: I met Eric Wierman in California, and started a 2D with him. He turned out to be a textbook 1-1 and carefully, covertly, destroyed every little certainty I had. He conquered my son’s affection by playing the dad role, and turned my son against me. But it was done so skillfully that I felt like everything was originating from me; that it was my fault, my wrongness; yet anything I did to fix it was wrong, and I did not realize I was slipping downtone until I felt totally depressed. He was the classic apparent theta, malicious intent, posed as a major IAS supporter while actually inactive on The Bridge, and has been offlines since 2002.
May 30 2007: I returned to Flag to help audit employees of my ex-2D, fulfilling my original agreement with him.
June 2007: Upon arriving at the Sandcastle, intent to get my review (as I could only get auditing at Flag, due to my case level), I got an interview with the D of P. I explained it would take a week or two to put together the money for my review. The Senior D of P came in and forcefully insisted I return to OT VII and review my OT VI immediately, and I had to pay for everything right away. I told them about being full time on the BC, and making things go right financially to pursue my training as a priority, as that was very successful for me and I was helping others. She screamed at me that I was out-ethics to be leaving myself, as the PC, in the middle of an auditing level (though I was done, in fact, and had originated that several times throughout the past few years). The Snr. D of P threatened to stop me on my training as I was out-ethics and out-tech, if I did not return to OT VII immediately and pay for it all now. I was so overwhelmed with the suppression I burst into tears and decided not to go back to Flag anymore.
October 2007: When I started to catch on to what I was dealing with, regarding Eric Wierman, I asked for help from the org, but the Chaplain was not there, There was no terminal within the Church that I could go to for succor, so later on (March 2008) we used a field auditor who bought Eric’s lies and delivered a squirreled cycle: no investigation tech was applied, nor O/W tech, because he was not up to running O/Ws.
October 2007: ABLE staff member Frank Zurn called Eric Wierman asking him for donations, saying he would “help him make money” so that, as Frank told me personally, “he could get a nice share of” the money for donations. From this date to the present, Eric and Frank Zurn have been working together on this effort, turning family and friends against me because I was against fund raising and putting money on a credit card for anything that was not The Bridge.
November 2007: Eric Wierman, knowing my stance on the IAS, invited me to the President’s Office at CCI to meet Susan Watson, but it was actually an IAS briefing. I asked the IAS Regges to show me the reference by LRH regarding IAS donations. They couldn’t, but one opened up the “What is Scientology” book and pointed out that the IAS was formed at Saint Hill. I noted the book was not written by LRH. He told me the IAS had been founded by David Miscavige.
As I refused to go into agreement with the IAS, the Reg attacked me verbally, left and called the Senior MAA WUS (to whom I requested again the LRH references). The MAA lost his temper and threatened me that he would get me called back to Flag and he would order me an HCO Sec Check as I was disaffected. He then screamed at me to “get out of this room”.
November 2008: Eric Wierman (with advice from Frank Zurn) threatened to end our relationship if I did not go to Flag for a review. (I later found out both he and Frank were C/Sing me for a PTS Rundown as they had figured I was a Type 2 PTS, despite neither of them being trained in that capacity.). I went to Flag because I was feeling depressed and I requested an FPRD on my first dynamic. Instead I got an HCO Sec Check FPRD style, with a few questions about my first dynamic and several on the IAS, DM, and the management. My auditor was so tired his eyes kept closing and he would jerk awake in session, and once had to recheck a question because he had miscalled an F/N, but at least he was honest with me; I really appreciated that. Despite all this, through the action I managed to handle my huge BPC on being stopped from attesting to OT VII and I felt better. This was not the desired effect from Eric Wierman and his 1.1 attacks and false reports about me to his auditor and to Frank became worse. Whenever I requested help from the Flag Chaplain or the Flag Cramming Officer, they only told me that I had to go back to Flag for more auditing. I was disgusted and felt really alone.
31 January 2009: Eric Wierman, after a long period of nullifications, attacked me physically, dragging me up a flight of stairs by my hair and choked and shook me violently twice, nearly killing me. He shortly blew, closing down our shared bank accounts without notice, taking all the money, and he locked down our computer and took all the documents from the house, so I was unable to access my work files and could not work on my job.
1 February 2009: Frank Zurn told me he advised Eric to blow, because he thought that’s what I would have wanted, specifically ignoring the technical information behind a blow and failing to help me in any way. I called that night both the MAA and the Chaplain at CC Int but no one got back to me. I was in shock and in a state of total confusion. I spoke with the Flag Chaplain but all she did was tell me to go to Flag on the promise that she, along with 2 other staff members, would help me with Eric’s cycle and the Third Party investigation with the proper tech.
Once at Flag, they saw I would not go into a review and they dropped me completely; they ceased the Third Party investigation and withdrew all help on the cycle with Eric Wierman. I was in a state of depression and confusion, robbed violently of any stable data and feeling suicidal. Yet the only thing the staff at Flag and other church terminals was interested in was to get me back on VII and to pay for more intensives.
16 February 2009: I left for Italy with my young son, where I threw myself into training as a source of comfort and stability. I completed the OEC Volume 0 course and started the OEC Volume 7. Every single thing I was studying was opening my eyes as to what was going on, and how off-source this church was.
End of April 2009: Once back in the US, I had to call for a Chaplain court as my ex (Eric Wierman), refused to pay my credit cards where he had (before blowing) racked up a lot of charges. His auditor (in early February 2009) had told me that Eric had intended on breaking up with me months earlier (before the January attacks) but he had intentionally been using my credit card and setting things up to make my life impossible, while protecting himself, after he blew.
May 2009: Alexes M., the CCI Chaplain, told me she would not help me with the Chaplain Court because she knew Eric Wierman’s tone level and he would not cooperate, and she did not want to take a loss. She refused to take up the incident of physical violence and took 5 months to come to a judgment, wherein she lied and denied what she told me about Eric and denied that she told me that she did not want to do the Third Party or any other handling or handle the violence incident, and subsequently came to an unjust ruling.
June 2009: I went to Flag, since I was denied any auditing or assistance from any other quarter due to my case level, in complete despair seeking a review. I was in a deep depression, in emotional and physical pain, and suicidal. Yet I was refused help at Flag as well; it was very sad to see that the only thing they were interested about was my disagreements with the church (a.k.a. DM, Management, the IAS, or putting money on credit cards and engaging in squirrel practices), and my brother’s disaffection. In a PTS interview my item was openly refused as the auditor said, “We’re looking for a Non-Scientologist”, and he then asked me about my brother, as if trying to make him the item. (My brother Marco is an amazing person, he always went over and beyond to help his family, the orgs and Scientologists. He has observed what he has observed. He, like decent people, suffers the painful consequences of wrong indications and bad control typical of Black Scientology.)
At Flag, Ingrid the Senior LRH Host, shouted at me that they do not handle 2D cycles anymore, only third dynamic cycles. I did not know where to turn for help; as a single mother I was responsible for my kid, yet I could not work and I was in constant emotional pain; however, since February and all throughout 2009, I was “reminded” (a very covert way to threaten) several times in passing by Eric Wierman that I would be declared if I sought legal justice or outside assistance at all. Several other Church terminals did the same thing (I have it in writing and in voice mail).
Early September 2009:
One day it was suddenly clear to me that both the Church and Eric Wierman were operating on the same plane: they both cut comm. lines, they both invalidated, they both lied; what was done to them was big, what was done to me was nothing or deserved; no property was really owned, except theirs; in short, they were both 1-1. And not being on that tone level, I was an enemy to them. I was torn between two abusive relationships and in the moment that I knew this to be true, I knew I could be part of this group no longer. A church that protects criminals and takes away your rights without giving you justice cannot be my church and it is not practicing Scientology but rather Black Scientology. (http://silviakusada.wordpress.com)
Ref. HCO PL 26 February 1972R I (Revised 10 September 1990) ORDER OR CHAOS / THE QUALITY OF THE HCO DIVISION / AN HCO DIV CHECKLIST FOR QUALITY: “TREASON QUALITY If any of these exist, then the quality of the division is Treason.
“19: Justice Policies are not being fully used—no ethics actions at all or incorrect ethics or justice actions being used.”
End of September 2009: I contacted a lawyer, refusing further infringement of my legal rights.
5 October 2009:
I assigned CCI Chaplain Alexis M. the condition of Treason, for her failure to wear her hat. (Seehttp://silviakusada.wordpress.com/treason-assignment-to-chaplain-cc-int/) Nothing was done to address the condition or handle the situation, but rather further attacks (wrong indications) from Alexis M.
Late September 2009:
I met Mary Jo Leavitt and her family. She is the first real OT I have met. She has become my friend. She has the courage to look and say what she has observed. This is a quality I truly admire. It is part of me; what I want from a future 2D.
15 November 2009:
I was lucky I found Marty Ruthbun as he gave me proper counseling and did what Flag should have done in the first place: helped me.Although at times I still experience the misemotion related to injustice and suppression, I do not wish to die anymore. I see a bright future ahead of me. He has given me back my desire to live.
I recently got returned my original investment in a property investment I shared with Eric Wierman. Despite the big loss of money on with this, I have a very OT viewpoint of it. I have my integrity and this is the best thing I got as a spiritual being. I have pressed criminal charges to ensure that no one else is ever in the position I was put in, but not out of hate. I do not have that emotion. I feel love for all the beings involved, despite everything.
New Year 2010:
I am declaring my independence! I felt bad and scared at first, having my life so completely involved with Scientology for so long, but it feels good to be free from a suppressive use of tech and ethics, from a manipulative and enslaving group where no free people exist, but people are broke, scared to look, to know or to have their own thoughts. For the first time in years I feel I’m actually applying KSW as LRH wanted. There is no place in DM’s church for people with integrity, with knowledge of the tech, who are truly loyal to LRH.
As a Scientologist and one who adheres to the standard tech of LRH, I assign the condition of Treason to David Miscavige, RTC and everyone who continues to follow his illegal orders, as they are ignoring KSW, allowing squirreled LRH Ethics, Tech and Admin to be used suppressively to control its parishioners and people, and limit their freedom.
What I learned is that I won’t let people stop me anymore. When you are surrounded by people who are low-toned, they create an atmosphere of fear and impotence; the sense that it is better to be careful, to not act, and you end up feeling like there are situations where you can’t do anything about it. But that is not true. When you start thinking that you can’t do something about it, you are creating the bars to your own prison. So, when I look back at all the situations where I thought I was trapped, I can see now that there was always something I could have done about it, and as part of that, I am getting off my lines those people who made me feel that way.
For more details, please see my blog at http://silviakusada.wordpress.com